piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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