While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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