Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
