Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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