i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
