I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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