it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
