please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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