i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
