Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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