So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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