And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
