I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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