Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
