i would punch a child for taco bell
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
