Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
As shirtless as possible
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
