Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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