I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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