Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
