Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
