Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
