New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
