Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
