Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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