i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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