My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
