Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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