dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
