found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
