She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im six kinds of drunk right now
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
