I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
