Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
