Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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