Im at strip club and am horny
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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