So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
