Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
