it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
