OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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