I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize