wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
