so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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