Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize