I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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