She said her name was "party"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is Oprah even human
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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