so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize