Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize