i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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