How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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