I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
