If that was your dad, he is hot
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
