Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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