i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
