So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just found a bag of teeth...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
