He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I see more hoeing in ur future
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
