He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
