can we get nightvision for the apartment?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
