im about as happy as oj after his trial
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
