driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
