Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
