If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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