I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
