if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
