Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
