do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just tell him i said nine months
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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