You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
