Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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