This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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